IVF Post: #4

My ultrasound showed that my cysts are all gone....thank god! I can finally start the IVF cycle again. Hopefully all the way through this time. My doctor wants me to do Lupron again, with birth control pills just in case the cysts want to appear again, but he is confident it was a one off and it shouldn't happen again. I thought I would feel excited by the news, but to be honest, I just feel exhausted and numb...I had such high hopes last month to do my first round and it never happened, it was such a let down...I don't want to do that to myself again. This time I'm not getting excited, not telling people, it will remain very private and personal (apart from this Blog). I now realise in IVF nothing is certain, you can never be sure of the dates, it's all just all kind of up in the air...Everything depends on your next appointment, how your body will react at each stage. I don't want to get hopes up, I don't want to be disappointed again so I've decided to be very detached from it all. It's for the best. I'm not telling many people particularly those who have never gone through IVF, if you haven't been there you just don't get it....(Reminds me of the other exclusive and very tragic club I also belong to). I'm holding on to the little ray of hope in the very back of my mind, while I continue life, put up with the painful shots, hormones and mood swings and hope for some luck to come our way...we so deserve it after all. As if life was really that simple