A little setback...I was just about to start the Hyperstimmulation medications in a few days but at my Dr's appointment today, my Dr realised I have developed a couple of ovarian cysts on my left ovary. Apparently this can sometimes happen from taking Lupron. He wants to put everything on hold and check my ovaries again on Friday, then decide the next plan of action....Such a disappointment and now more to worry about. More fears and negative thoughts to obsess over. Hopefully they reduce or disappear by Friday, this would be the best case scenario. Then we could go ahead and do the Egg Retrieval next week and the Transfer around April 3rd..as originally planned. If not, then the cycle will have to be delayed. I am not clear on by how much (whether a few days/or months)...I am not clear on what other options I have in terms of medications, if the Lupron isn't working. He said something about birth control pills, but did not go into it further as it all depends on my results Friday.
Damn..I knew I shouldn't have calculated the babies due date. My dream of a Xmas Baby is fading more and more into the distance. I never learn. Why did I start to daydream, to fantasize about what could be...haven't I learned? Having been burned once before, getting my hopes up so much, even before I start? I couldn't help it. Through all my gloom and doom, fears and sadness, it felt so damn good to think of the best case scenario, that my IVF would be successful the first time around, that I would react to the drugs just as I should, that I will have a healthy egg, then embryo, IP free. That I will get pregnant the first time around...It was good to dream, to try and be positive for a minute. Now back to reality...
Even though we are such newbies to IVF, we have barely began. I am already consumed by it's enormous emotional toll. My poor wonderful hubby, now has me and my health to worry about. He is now riden with fear about losing me. Hearing the words 'ovarien cyst' (knowing very well my mother had ovarian cancer), isn't easy for anyone. Especially after your daughter has died. Your sensitivity to dangers becomes heightened, you know how fragile life is, how important loved ones are. We already feel like our family was torn apart....our daughter was literally torn from our arms. We are so scared to lose each other too. I too feel this every day with him. This fear mixed in with grief is not an easy combination.....
I hope Friday we will have better news...
1 comment:
I'm so sorry Zita. I keep checking to see how things are going with your treatment. They found two fibroid tumors (both benign) in my uterus in 2009 before I was to start IVF. Hearing the word tumor was scary for me and my family too since both my aunt and mother have battled breast cancer. They removed the tumors with surgery and within just a few months Liam came to me, naturally. The doctors have no explanation for him, they call him "a mystery". He is my hope. He keeps me going.
I wish that you weren't going through this but please keep the hope. I hope that you will get some good news on Friday and that you can carry on with your treatment. I hope that with all my heart for you.
Sending love. x
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