Expectations...

                                     

So much hope...

4 months pregnant with Amelie

It is such a strange feeling to be so consciously preparing to become pregnant again. All I know of pregnancy is what I had with Amelie. It was all so beautiful, so perfect. It seems like yesterday, yet also like another lifetime. How will it feel to be pregnant again? Pregnant with another child? Pregnant but without her. The changes of my body, the feeling of gentle movement, the heaviness and weight in my belly, growing everyday. All I know of this is what I had with her. I don't know anything else. The excitement, expectations, hope that I once had. Where have they gone? Will they come back? If not fully, maybe just in small  fragments, but I'm happy with that, I'll take that. I don't know how it will be. What will happen, what to expect. All I know for certain is that nothing will ever be the same again after loosing my precious daughter. Nothing.