IVF Post: #12

What a disappointment. Our doctor just called to update us on how our precious little embryos are coming along. Full of confidence from the previous updates; that they were doing so well. I could not believe the words I was hearing. Out of the 11 fertilized ones, only 3 were looking like they were strong enough for a transfer. The rest were just too slow and abnormal. The 3 right now weren’t excellent quality like before but just medium or ok. How could this happen? How could things change so quickly?  Suddenly our chances were fading fast. Will we even have anything left to transfer for Monday? We still have to get the PGD biopsy results for which have IP (which is most likely 1 out of 2). That means best case scenario…. we have 2 healthy embryos to implant OR 1. (Transfer of 1 meaning only 30% chances of pregnancy..wow). Worst case would be, no transfer.. nothing at all. All this for nothing. I couldn’t help but obsess over this possibility. Disappointment and loss are all I know. It’s almost a comfortable and familiar feeling that I have come to know so well. My genes have let me down yet again just like before. Instead of trying to be hopeful, think positive like other ‘non baby-lost’ parents would do, I went to this dark place again. I started thinking, reconsidering the possibilities of egg donors and adoptions and or remaining childless for the rest of our lives….More fear and apprehension now until we face Monday.