This is a photo Aaron took a week or so after she left us. It is a beautiful bright yellow flower from my mother-in-laws garden and this picture is very special to me. First of all, I always felt Amelie loved the color yellow. When I see this all I can think of and see is, Amelie. Her presence, her grace, wisdom, strenght and beauty are depicted in this image. I put this on my computer desktop at work. When I feel like breaking down into a big mess of tears (every single day), I look at this and it gives me strength. It reminds me of how strong she was, how she fought, did not give up. It reminds me of her looking down on me, giving me calm and inner peace, her spirit always near. It helps me see there is beauty around.
I just lost my beautiful baby girl. She was only 19 days old. When she died, I lost my hopes, dreams, future as well as part of myself. Ater she died, I learned it was because of a rare genetic disorder called Incontinentia Pigmenti, which she inherited from me. I never knew I had it as I have no symptoms. With IP the chances of having a healthy child are only 50%. This is my life without my baby. My struggle to face every day as I long for my daughter and hope for a healthy child.
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