This has been a very surreal week or so to say the least. I am pregnant apparently, according to my doctor. I am 6 weeks pregnant. Tomorrow is the big day, the first ultrasound. Where it is confirmed how the pregnancy is coming along, hopefully that everything looks as it should....and also if I am pregnant with one baby or two babies....wow. I cannot even comprehend this concept. Of course I would be thrilled with both of these outcoms. Not knowing anything yet, this limbo is so strange. I know nothing yet. There are so many possibilities of tomorrow...good and bad. Obviously my biggest worry is...am I still pregnant? then, if everything looks normal....so much fear, worry and possibilities. So much more than last time around. I feel pregnant, I have some signs, but I wonder is it just all in my head? Am I imagining it? It all seems just too good to be true....
Amelie's 1 year birthday is coming up on the 26th of this month. She would be turning one. I'm a mess. My heart breaks again and again every day as I get nearer to this day. I am planning 'Amelie's Walk' for our family, a beautiful walk somewhere outside in nature and a brunch afterwards. I'm putting on a brave face. I want to honor her by getting our family together, which is what she did when she was alive and I know what she wants for this day. Will I have the strength to even get up in the morning? To make it through the day? I have no idea. It gives me comfort that I will be surrounded by all the people that love and miss her like I do...To be honest, I'm scared for this day to come.
1 comment:
How was your scan?
The walk with your family is a lovely idea.
puszi: Rianon
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